Just Off the Top of My Head: Original Hair by Stylin’ Albatross Chicks
By Safina Center Conservationist-in-Residence Hob Osterlund
A Laysan albatross chick sporting a “Benjamin Franklin” hairdo. ©Hob Osterlund
Rock idol. Coconut bra. Muttonchops. Fascinator hat. Man bun. DIY bikini wax. Fauxhawk. Feather Lei. Biker dude. Name a look, and it just may have appeared on the body of a certain native Hawaiian seabird.
When mōlī (Laysan albatross) are 5-6 months old and in the last few weeks of growth before they get strong enough, brave enough and hungry enough to jump off the cliffs of Kauaʻi, their downy heads often appear—no disrespect intended—rather ridiculous.
Mōlī fans live for these hairdos not only because they’re entertaining, but because they mark the time of year when we can breathe a bit more deeply, when most (but not all) of the chicks look like they just might survive to fledge, when we can worry (just a little) less about predators and starvation, about illnesses and plastics.
The chicks’ personalities also begin to blossom during their last few weeks on terra firma. They range from painfully shy to super gregarious, from highly reticent to fearlessly exploratory. Rivalry, affection—and even moments of unexpected altruism—all emerge.
For a bit of infotainment, every year the Kaua’i Abatross Network holds a tongue-in-cheek “Mōlī-Do Pageant,” complete with fake judges. Here’s a short sampling of those entries.
“The Coconut Bra.” ©Jeanine Meyers
Our Mōlī-Do judges have been stunned by something they’ve never seen before: a coconut bra. What the what? Perhaps this handsome bird heard about all the BS related to drag shows and wanted to show their (slightly lopsided) support. To emphasize their disdain for the gender police, yesterday they took the name Winifred. You go, gorgeous!
“The Rorschach.” ©Hob Osterlund
For years this entry has been a top contender in the Mōlī-Do Pageant. It began in a category called Ringo Starr, but was later renamed Rorschach. Why? Because the judges and viewers see what they see based on what decades they were listening to the latest in rock/blues/country/jazz. The new title is perfect because it assumes that all beauty is relational and dynamic, always in motion, never fixed or final. Adding to the life-affirming image is the fact that this bird is posing in the rain in front of a banana tree. What could be more fruitful, fluid and fast-growing? And speaking of hands, high fives!
“The Benjamin Franklin.” ©Hob Osterlund
This handsome lad fits squarely into the Benjamin Franklin category of the Mōlī-Do Pageant. Not unlike his namesake (who invented bifocals), this bird can see what’s right in front of his nose (er, beak) as well as miles into his future. He has chosen a style that exposes the top of his head, eschewing the downy wool hat valued by many of his cohort. He seems unafraid of the windy, chilly North Pacific, and instead embraces the idea of solar energy directly to his brain. Minimalist eyebrows are a subtle yet crowning touch. Only one question remains: If he wins, will the prize be a $100 bill?
“The Faux-Hawk.” ©Hob Osterlund
The judges are officially smitten. Hala, named for the tree he grew up under, has quite brilliantly added what appears to be a happy hip-hop step to his almost perfect Faux-Hawk coiffure. His widespread wings radiate excitement and give him an unmistakable and universal appeal. Since a surprisingly benevolent wind has blown in, you can bet your bottom bippy Hala will be riding it. Imua!
“The Lei Hulu.” ©Hob Osterlund
Here in Hawaiʻi no graduation, promotion, birthday, victory, dance, ceremony, election, retirement, anniversary, award, baby shower, performance, keynote—or truly any event of any significance—is complete without at least one lei. Or more often many lei (the Hawaiian language does not use an "s" for plural words). Why would an event as huge as fledging be excluded? And of course in this case, a lei hulu (feather lei). High marks to this Mōlī-Do contestant for representing the culture of her nesting grounds. Mōlī themselves are, after all, native to Hawaiʻi. Hana Hou!
“The Man Bun - side view.” ©Hob Osterlund
One of our all-time favorites forced a brand new category last year. In all the seasons of the Mōlī-Do Pageant, the judges have never been witness to a man bun. This chick’s name happens to be Lucky, and heʻs so true to his name that his entry will be displayed in two parts. Today a resting side view portrait, tomorrow a rear-view action shot. Stand by to be amazed.
“The Man Bun - rear view.” ©Hob Osterlund
Yesterday you saw a side profile of Lucky, the chick who entered the Mōlī-Do Pageant last year and forced a new "Man Bun" category. He later submitted a second photo that further showcased his ʻdo. Here he is with an open-wing rear view. Our judges quietly admitted they are not huge fans of man buns in humans, but rebuffed the suggestion they should recuse themselves. Their conclusion was that this bird has pulled off the look with unabashed flare. "Check it out, he can practically like get FM with that thing," admired one of the judges.
For a more complete experience of the Mōlī-Do Pageant, follow Hob Osterlund on Facebook or @hobatross on Instagram. Contestants typically begin appearing on posts in June every year.